Don’t get me wrong I am BUZZIN! Can. Not. Wait!
But, the hardest thing for me, will be to say goodbye to everyone back home. I know there will be tough times abroad, but this is the one thing that bothers me the most – only natural right?!
One moment I am day dreaming about all the places I will go and all the things I will do.
The next moment I feel a sense of loss for particular friendships I may have destroyed due to my decisions.
I’m riding that wave everyday, and I can’t even surf! (it’s on the F*ckit List guys!) Up and down, up and down. Gotta take it day by day!
I knew I would have to lose a lot to do this journey, I’m not a silly billy. And as it fast approaches I am having to lose more and more. But I am so determined to do this that I can sit with these emotions and wait for their passing.
I like to focus on my emotions, gut feelings and how things sit with me. When I have a dilemma, I think to myself, how does that sit with me?
For exampleee, I have two pairs of shoes I adore (I know, hardly life changing issues here.) I can’t bring them with me – one pair I want to, but realistically I know I won’t wear them much and they weigh a tonne (satin pink platform trainers anyone?) but I won’t want to clutter up someone else’s house with them. I have to sell/donate them. I am seeing how that idea sits with me for a while – can I justify the weight in my bag! I go back and forth with my ideas, pro-ing and con-ing all day long, so I need some time to see which way I lean to more.
** Update – one pair of shoes went to my housemate – I know you were all DYING to know! **
Now an even worse example is…
I recently made a decision that someone would be okay to come and travel with me. Unfortunately over time, it didn’t sit right. I was worrying and overthinking and feeling anxious. They are the only person I would be okay with coming along with me, I adore them ever so much. I know it would have been fun. But unfortunately, due to past traumas and other factors I really feel like I should do this alone. They are more than welcome to visit me, and they know this. I had to painfully tell them I couldn’t allow it and I may have completely destroyed that friendship!
Time to grieve the loss of a great friendship.. Yay!
** Update: We friends 🙂 **
Photo by Margot Pandone on Unsplash