Inspired by a series of late night conversations with my housemates and various other people. To be child-free or not child-free… That seems to be today’s question.
I am meeting more and more people that do not want children, or aren’t fussed. My peers and I are yet to hit the age where all we can think about is lil booties and fat chubby faces. But a lot of people close to me are adamant they will not have children. They have zero interest in it and offer some quite convincing reasons for their decisions.
I’m right on the fence about this. The fence post is well and truly wedged in my ass (sorry). One day I think yeahh I would like to teach a lil human about life and raise it to take over the world. Another day I am drowning in all the benefits NOT having children would have. “If I just didn’t have kids, I could travel the world forever! I could pursue all the hobbies I wanted, I could even save for retirement!”
Rational me can just say, well I can continue through life and if it happens it happens, if it doesn’t it doesn’t – and a large fat part of me is perfectly fine with this.
But irrational overthinking, over planning, pain in the butt and vagina me is like “No way man, we got to make a decision, we have to make a concrete plan of the rest of our life, rule it out or make it so! there is no FLOW.
Last month I literally got the word FLOW tattooed on my leg as a hot, branding reminder to chill the frick out and GO. WITH. THE. FLOW. I hear my mum sing “Whatever will beeee will beee” in my head as I type this.
But circling back to the whole baby thangg. The reasons for NOT having a child would be the freedom, the financial relief, more time, resources and energy to focus on other things. Many people also offer the argument that having children is actually not sustainable in terms of resources and the environment which I agree with, unless we all managed to live more consciously, off-grid, zero-waste, plastic-free, and whatever other badge you want on your scouts uniform, we can’t really justify creating more resource sucking leech humans. ESPECIALLY when there are many children in care homes looking for adoption.
And what are the benefits for having children? A sense of accomplishment? It seems having children is only scratching the innate itch to reproduce. And if we claim to be advance as we like to think then perhaps we are above this biological need? Of course we can’t all not have kids otherwise say bye bye to humans. I think there is just more to life than having children, back in the day, fair enough, get married and have children that was the done thing. But we now live in a time where many of us have the luxury of living a different way to the ‘norm’ and for some, that’s going child-free.
I think my issue is being a woman. Being expected to want children and have children at some point. I haven’t hit the age where I am being pestered about settling down, getting married and having kids. BOYYYYY bring it on, I double chocolate dare you.
It seems to be the case that choosing to not have children is in some way selfish. “Oh, what? You are above having kids? You’re so selfish to not want to carry children”. But isn’t any decision essential selfish? Especially something so personal as this. I am selfish if I don’t have kids, but I am selfish if I do have kids. It’s a losing battle.
Luckily for me, I don’t often factor in too many external factors when making my decisions, So let the pestering commence.
Coming back to adoption. Adoption is actually currently my first choice if I wanted children. It makes so much more sense! It aligns with my values and my selfishness ha.
Who the heck knows what I’ll end up doing, but I’m sure it’ll be written down here 😉