Have you ever had a great idea or plan to do something, you were filled with unshakeable determination, hell bent on doing it, you were blinkered to everything else?
Me too. Often in fact. Some of these great big ideas linger for years, some for only a few hours (literally).
What fuels these ideas? Is it external? Internal? Did you read about a trendy new trend and feel an overwhelming need to jump upon said trend bus and ride it into the sunset? Did social media sneakily manage to make you think you want something by making you think you came up with the idea but really you saw it subconsciously 10 times during your last scroll sesh?
Did it come from a place of trauma? Were you told you couldn’t do certain things, dress a certain way, BE a certain way? And after coming out of toxic situations and relationships you find yourself triggering a pendulum effect in your life.
That’s me. I realised just yesterday on a bike ride. Bombing down hills in the warm evening, the rush of endorphins and the slight sense of freedom given to me as I hurtled past stables of horses, patches of wild garlic and the occasional jogger. The roads are clear and quiet in Lock Town, mine for the taking.
“If I am told I can’t do something, I will go and do it even more!” – Housemate.
This lingered with me. I recently realised how I had shed so much from my life to reveal a skeleton of an existence with the goal of travelling in mind. I didn’t want things, commitments, people getting in the way of that goal.
Yesterday’s further realisation was I have been told by several people in my life at different points that I wasn’t allowed to do certain things. One of those things was to travel. Ex boyfriends would always get upset and deny my dreams of travel and I am to blame too, because I let them.
So I am single now (have been a while, it’s been delightful!) and the pendulum has begun to swing. From left (being told no to my travel dreams) it gathers momentum, it swings speedily and with intent all the way to the right (now being single, can travel whenever, where ever! I must travel non-stop, never come back home, I am a global citizen hurrah!)
But eventually Pendulums slow down. They eventually return to the middle, an equilibrium if you will. Applying this to my situation. I realised I don’t need to set sail on some big voyage and see every single country and never see my friends and family again, never own anything but the essentials, only ever travel and nothing else.
Let the pendulum sit still, content, in the middle. Travel in small bursts, and still live a rich life surrounded by friends, family and things that bring me joy.
It seems so obvious. But I had to come to this realisation myself and truly understand it. And I did as I whipped through Leeds on a bike with one break and no first gear.
Does this make sense!?