It all begins with a trip to an ATM machine. I’ve walked all the way to town from my student suburb. A 40 minute long catwalk to my favourite tunes. Out the way losers! I’m going plant shopping!
I walk through the busy city centre weaving in and out of shoppers. I clock my trusty usual ATM machine. Owned by Sainsburys. You go girl. Maybe I’ll nip in to the shop, grab a peach ice tea. Plant shopping is thirsty work.
10 pound notes unavailable!?! Dang it, gonna have to withdraw a 20 pound note. That just means I have to buy more plants. Gutted. But not really.
Peach ice tea in my left hand, 20 beans in my right hand, 100 metre walk to the entrance of Kirkgate Market. Deep breath. I got this.
I heard it’s the biggest indoor market in the whole of Europe. But that could just be what the locals say. Yorkshire people love Yorkshire. And you know what, rightly so!
Unfortunately there are only two plant stalls in the market, but maybe that’s a blessing in disguise, humans prefer less choice apparently.
I start at one stall, circle several times viewing all the plants from all angles. I’ve done this only a few weeks ago. I know what they have. I then leave, seemingly uninterested to the stall owner. I go to the other stall, I circle this stall again several times and leave appearing uninterested.
Not at all my friends. I am looking at all your plants, I am looking at all your prices. I am Googling the care requirements for your plants. Then it’s a waiting game.
By this point I have ran between stalls at least twice. I must be known as that crazy bald girl who comes in to stare blankly at the plants then disappear. “She never comes to any other stall. only the plants.”
Not true. Sometimes I go to the Bluebirds Bakery stall because my friend, Iona works there and gives me free bread.
Anyway, back to the waiting game. I’m waiting for a plant to talk to me. to rustle it’s leaf, “Hey! What about me, would I be suitable for your house?”
Yes Mr Philodendron! (Phil for short).
Congratulations! You have been chosen! Your leaves are the right green. You are big and strong and healthy. You are unique and unlike the others in the gang. Let’s go.
The walk back, I feel like a Victoria Secret model who finally got her wings. Although my wings are huge green leaves acting like sails in the wind as I navigate back home through the crowds of staring people (never seen a plant before it seems).
Once home, it’s real session introducing the new boy to the gang, where’s best for you to live? Do you over shadow the little one behind you, do the others need to shift slightly to let you in? Have some water! Here let me pluck those dead leaves off. Happy? Happy!
It’s becoming a ritual.
ps, the plant in the picture is not a Philodenron tehe.