I Just Don’t Believe it

So I get this job in Taiwan right. And I am happy, I’m excited of course. But I don’t feel as giddy as I thought I would and I’ve narrowed it down to three potential reasons. Bare with me as I sip my tiny miniature bottle of Campo Viejo Rioja.

  1. Imposter Syndrome – I decided to apply for a job that even several months ago I would not say I was qualified to do. I wanted to teach abroad for a long time now but I always pictured myself starting off in a crummy, mega dodgy, low paying school to get the experience and THEN I can apply for the big boy jobs. But I aimed high with nothing to lose and look at me! I got a very good job.
  2. I’ve been burned before – 11th June 2020, I was about to take off on the adventure of a life time. Teaching online, traveling from country to country with no end date in sight. Then Covid slapped me in my face and put me in my place. and previously to that disaster, I’ve had several boyfriends stop me following my travel dreams (yes I know, I let them.) I feel like something else is going to stop me this time round. I don’t know what it could be, but something is going to turn up and say “Hahah no, sorry, you can’t travel to Taiwan.” So I feel a reluctance to get really excited and even to start making steps towards moving.
  3. The calmness means it’s the right path – There have been many decision making situations. Life changing moments. I have learned to go with my gut on things and it’s worked out pretty well. I have found that when a decision is made and I don’t feel overly positive or negative. But instead I feel a sense of ease, patience and calmness, this usually means I am in a very good position mentally and that it’s the right route for me and that I am ready to receive this change in my life. Corny, I know.

Now if you believe in fate and all that jazz, I have often had ideas of pursuing certain things and I feel like I have attempted to obtain these ideas yet they have only ever happened when I have been fully ready to accept them. Looking back on this past year, I have since gained a lot of teaching and classroom experience which has increased my confidence to apply for roles that I previously would have thought were out of my reach.

Come through universe. Is it my turn yet!?

Photo by Josh Gordon on Unsplash