No matter how you attempt to gaslight them!
I think I almost had a bit of a stalker this week.
I jump on apps like Tinder every so often. With a strictly platonic profile, I throw a couple right swipes to people I think look interesting. I find apps like these generally tedious and a waste of time. As I don’t really use social media, and these apps are a type of social media, I don’t last longer than a week on Tinder before I hide my card, log off and delete the app.
But here comes the cliché. Oh it’s the only way to meet people these days. Ahhh we’re in a lockdown it’s the only form of communication we have! I agree and disagree. It’s poop spending time swiping left and right, but it is one way, at least, to make new friends.
Orrr……. Meet strange folk who won’t leave you alone….
I matched with this guy last weekend I think. I am highly selective on my swiping with only some factors allowing a right swipe. Vegan being one of them. I don’t strictly date or make friends with only Vegans, but it’s always nice to share the same passions for a certain lifestyle.
This guy was a Vegan. Let’s call him Bob.
We got chatting, it appeared we had WAY more in common than just the amount of lettuce we consume. We were into the same music, he was half Jamaican and my childhood was heavily influenced by the Caribbean culture. He was into dancing, graffiti, and seemed very in touch with his emotions, head seemed screwed on. We quickly graduated from messaging to phone calls and they seemed effortless and interesting.
Now my first red flag I noticed which instantly made my guts tell me “Nopeee, this guy is not worth your time and energy!!” was very early on, he said to me, something along the lines of
“Now, you might not understand the things I say, because I am from the ghetto, I am black, and you’re a middle class white girl..”
WOAH there! Punch the brakes! I showed him he managed to call himself a stereotype and be prejudice towards me all in one stupid sentence.
As time went by, I noticed that he bigged himself up constantly. “I’m woke” “I’m really experience in life” “I’m a lover not a fighter anymore” “I don’t associate with the ghetto anymore”.
He seemed fixated on where and how he was raised and kept going on and on about how “that ain’t him no more!”
So, I ask if he was salty from him upbringing? Do you hold anger for what you have been through? No one goes on and on about something unless it’s bothering them.. surely??
Along with that, he was constantly saying how amazing he was, and how much he has done in his life. How experienced he was and how his history hasn’t dragged him down. He was 31, for context.
My analogy for this man would be a Buddhist Monk. Imagine meeting a Monk and when you spoke to him he went on and on about how zen he was, how many hours he’s meditated total, and how woke AF he is.
You’d NEVER hear that from a Monk. You’d know how wise and fucking zen he was merely by the way he carried himself and the way he spoke about anything. It’s the energy of people that tell you more about them then what comes out of their mouths.
I started to realise Bob didn’t seem so ‘woke’ and ‘experienced’ as he wanted me to believe. He was most definitely attempting to impress me. Which is natural so there’s no beef with that. Unfortunately though this does the opposite for me.
We went on a walk and he was spewing the same nonsense about how incredible he is.
My second red flag was the comment “I can’t wait to show you off to my housemates, to prove I can get girls like you”
Okay, we need to skid to an halt now! I called him out on it at the time and a day later. I said that comment I am sure does not come from a bad place and was intended to be a compliment but it wasn’t and I don’t appreciate being paraded around like a trophy. He was attempted to up his social status amongst his friends by being seen with me which is disgusting and I won’t be having it!
So after this walk, I spent the next three days trying to shake him off. I don’t believe in ghosting so I politely and nicely tried to say I was not interested in maintaining contact with Bob. Okay, for the first day maybe I was too subtle? Because he didn’t listen to me.
Third red flag (oh boy). I noticed his replies always disregarded everything I said. He blamed dyslexia. I would say I no longer want to continue talking to you, please stop messaging and trying to call me. He would respond with (and I kid you not) “I (Bob) am a nice guy! I am not argumentative, you need me and my strength, talk to me whenever you are down and need strength, you (Josie) are really timid and shutdown and I can be there for you…”
Sorry what?! Me? Timid? Have you met me? What on earth was this guy going on about! Bearing in mind we had met ONCE. I was getting to frustrated that he wasn’t actually understanding me I was sending voice notes with a clear tone that I was annoyed. Which I was worried he would start flipping it on me and calling me the crazy one for having emotion.
In the end I blocked him and even got a new number because my block list was mega long.
New number, who dis!? Fresh number fresh start woo!
Until Bob texted me. EH? He claims he doesn’t know I have a new number (so maybe it was a tech issue) but MAN! did that tarnish my fresh start gah!
Texted me about the full moon and how I NEEEEEEEED him. okay buster.
So, blocked him fully. Again.
I can’t tell if he was generally a little ignorant and not the sharpish tool in the shed OR he was attempting to manipulate me. Was he genuinely not understanding me for 3 days or was this a calculated attempt to get me to be his friend and to NEED him? I don’t know. I hope he was just a little bit dumb. I would hate to think he was attempting to gaslight me into thinking I was weak and timid and needed such an awesome guy to help me through life. But, I am happy with how I handled the situation.
Sometimes I think I am too mean to people. But I am still learning boundaries and how to say no. And if that makes me look like a bitch, then I’m becoming the biggest bitch on the planet. Holla!!
But, I think he was also massively insecure. I think he wasn’t as proud of his upbringing as he made out. I think he wasn’t as confident within himself and his appearance as he pretended. I think he felt the need to big himself up because no one else did or would. I wish he would stop this way of talking and develop a quiet confidence about himself. Because strip all that back and he still is an interesting person with cool things to say and he’s done a lot of interesting things. But it’s hard to wade through all the bullshit to get to who he actually is. And not to be rude, but I am not about to do all that. He made me feel extremely uncomfortable, I felt I was being used as a trophy and he was way to eager to impress and didn’t actually listen to anything I said. Not for me. AND THAT’S OKAY!!