Sexual Abstinence Is Also Sexual Liberation

No shame here, discussing this topic. Mum already knows about it. Tehe.

All these important and society changing movements. BLM, Trans awareness, gender equality, feminism blah blah. It’s great! It’s also tricky. A lot of difficult conversations are to be hard on a global scale, political scale, a friend and family scale.

Where does one sit amongst all these ever changing ideas as we change what it means to be an individual in today’s world.

Trying to fit in, trying to experiment, trying to explore ones feelings and thoughts and identity, trying not to offend anyone, trying to work out what all these movements mean for you and your community. It’s hard work.

Sexual liberation among woman in particular is something that is often brought up. The modern woman, turns out has a high sex drive ‘like a man’, she doesn’t want to get into a relationship and she loves being single. She loves to have sex though and we are no longer shaming her! She is sexually liberated to have sex with anyone she desires! Hurrah!!

But there’s a flip side to sexual liberation. As with any movement and new ideas. You must explore what these new definitions mean to you and how you intend to adopt them into your life (if you chose to). Do you agree with these new ideas being thrown around by the young generations? Do you feel like these ideas finally explain how you feel and how you act in society? Does a term mean something slightly different to you then the norm? That’s cool. That’s normal, it shows you truly explored a topic and feel comfortable with your definition.

Myself, coming from a history of sexual trauma in my past. I defined sexual liberation as the confidence to say NO to sex and sexual relations. I developed the ability to create boundaries and be able to communicate these boundaries, with friends and particularly males. This is huge for me. I have been liberated through abstaining from certain sexual contact with men.

It began when I thought to myself, let’s just not pursue any sexual relations. This began after being single for about a year. That was my first challenge and I smashed it. I loved it. I love being single it’s been the best time ever! Then I decided to add no sex to this single life. one year and four months later – Wow!

It’s amazing how much time and energy you have to focus on inner work, career, hobbies, friends and family when you are not focusing on sex. It’s been so nice to have my own bed, to sleep curled up alone in a cosy space that’s all for me and no one else.

If I wanted to have someone with me, I would and it wouldn’t be sexual and they knew this and were happy with this. Let’s face it, we all need a cuddle and a sleep over every now and then.

I felt so peaceful and content abstaining from sex it’s been one of the best decisions I have ever made for myself. Especially due to my trauma in the past. I did some research on PTSD around sexual trauma and often people become hypersexual – meaning overly sexually to try and fix the abuse that happened. I’m not sure this is me, but I could relate to some of it.

In the past I really struggled to set boundaries with certain people. I would make sure I was always available to people, rarely said no to things and really couldn’t express any negative emotions I had around situations. For example if I was in a relationship and I felt it wasn’t going well for me, I didn’t know how to express this and I would just become passive aggressive.

But in the last year or so I have been given the opportunity to set boundaries. At first it was scary because I thought so many people would be mad at me for it, or not understanding. I thought I would lose friendships. But I came to the realisation that if I lost any friends then they probably weren’t friends to begin with.

Quite the opposite happened! Those that were happy to accept my boundaries responded so well. It opened up channels for communication. It allowed me to hang out with people in different ways. I grew closer to some friends. By saying no and having lines that shouldn’t be crossed, I became closer to people – who’d of thought!

I did worry that I was becoming to aggressive with my boundaries and my open communication. But I know I shouldn’t be apologising to anyone who takes offence. If they do, then they weren’t ready for me and what I bring to the table!

See ya bye!

Photo by Jan Zhukov on Unsplash