This Houseshare is Not a Vibe

Stay 6ft away. Not because of Covid.

I knew it was a very slim chance that this house and the people in it were going to be as good as or better than my previous house.

Scratch that.

The house itself, is great. By far my favourite bedroom I have ever had. It’s spacious with a high ceiling and massive bay window taking up an entire side of the room. I get blasted with the morning sun, which quickly turns the space into a hot, humid, green house. I roll the blinds up for my plants and banana stash to soak up the rays as I lay like a lizard on a rock on my bed by the window.

The rest of the house is modern and clean. Apart from the lack of kitchen/cupboard/fridge-freezer space due to living with 5 other people, this is the best house I have lived in, in Leeds. And it bleddy should be! Most expensive too!

My last house was up the road from this one, and I lived in it with my closest friends. I only left because I thought I was going travelling (dang you Covid-19). This house I moved into, the people seemed pleasant enough and it was only down the road from my friends so it seemed like a pretty neat deal.

Unfortunately it became very apparent that one individual in my house just was not on the same vibe as me at all. But that’s not to say they aren’t a nice person. They’re decent, they’re polite, they’re fairly clean and tidy. But that is were it ends.

In the beginning I was getting to know everyone (I was the newbie into the house). Everyone was on their best behaviour and everyone was eager to bond. But as time went on I found less and less in common with this person. They have this deflecting, self-deprecating humour/way of talking that kills me. And not in a “it’s so funny it kills me” way. I don’t find them funny at all, in fact I often feel very uncomfortable and feel the need to remove myself from the situation. This has been discussed with them, not just by me but others and they then went on to mention after some time had passed that they had REALLY been trying hard to improve their humour. MANNNN, if you have to TRY to be funny… what does that tell you?

I really struggle with the lack of initiative and understanding from this person. So many times if they had just stopped and thought for one second how their actions will affect the others around them, so many disagreements between housemates could have been avoided.

I think they are also very much trapped in the past. 90% of their stories and jokes are about when they were at university (apparently a very famous one, yet not heard of it myself). Going on and on about how awesome it was, how awesome they looked and felt, how everyone thought they were sooooo awesomeeeeeee! yet, why do I get messages from this person at 2am in the morning when I am trying to sleep about how they lack confidence these days, how they feel fat and ugly and no one loves them, how they have no motivation to do anything about it.

Don’t get me wrong, I know I am coming off as a massive twat as I write this. But I was there, time and time again offering advice, suggesting books and videos to inspire motivation, offering wisdom I had learned from my own struggles. I was putting in some serious time and energy in to this person for MONTHS. To get absolutely no where with them. I told them all this change comes from within, I am tired of trying to drag you up. If you want to day dream about the past and sulk about the present then good luck in the future.

I know that if I knew this person outside my living space they would be categorised as someone I met, a very, very distant acquaintance. But due to living together, and being in a lockdown during the pandemic it has forced our hands to try and make a friendship happen. And it is starting to take it’s toll on me.

Especially as I get older, and wiser and happier and more content with my existence, I am getting to the point where I am ready to live alone. So having someone like this in my space, my living space that is supposed to be my sanctuary from the outside world is exhausting. I find myself in my room avoiding them to keep any shred of zen.

I must reiterate, they are NOT a bad person. They have done nothing bad. We simple just do not vibe at all. AND THAT’S OKAY!

This is my dilemma, they do not share this belief with me. They think we’re great buds! And usually, recently more so, I would be the first to be completely honest and let it all out and tell them how this could not be further from the truth. But sometimes it is just not worth the pain and agro that would cause. It would shattered their world if I told them what me and everyone else I know who knows him thinks of him.

I am trying to be very zen, and peaceful in this situation as no one is at fault here, it is simply an unsavoury situation which is due to come to an end in 2 months (or sooner) when I move out of this house.

I have recognised that we are not of the same tribe, we do not have a vibe, that’s okay, and I will behave in a way as to avoid causing as much damage to the both of us. I cannot speak for the rest of the house or other individuals who have issues with them.

I have really felt the negative energy building up inside me and in the house, the other housemates feel the same. There are more and more moments of sarcasm and salty vibes in the house and I have my share of responsilbilty for which I am not proud of. I am coping with this by the odd passive aggressive joke or sarcastic comment. But I have attempted to fix this by focusing on my life and keeping my head down. I have always requested boundaries and distance between myself and them to keep the peace.

Deep breaths everyone.