The Essence of Non-Binary Gender

I’ve got a shaved head. I wear men’s clothes most of the time. I am a girl, female, she, her, woman.

I’m not Non-Binary. However, I understand the essence of the label.

I always thought everyone was a Yin Yang of masculine and feminine energy. No one is completely feminine or completely masculine. Each person has their unique ratio of both energies which makes them whole. And, sure, your physical sex will come into play, after all it’s the classic nature vs nurture debate. It starts to get strange or ‘out the box’ for some people when these energy ratios don’t align with the ‘norm’, the ‘standard’. Which… Who set the standard anyway!?!

Has no one seen the tribes, untouched by modern society whereby the woman are the badass hunters and the men the caregivers? HAVE YOU NOT SEEN LIONS!

A male with more feminine energy than masculine.

A female with more masculine energy than feminine.

Well, we’ve got to label them something haven’t we!? How will we sort them into boxes if we don’t have another label for them. Butch, camp, gay, lesbian, tom boy, sissy, etc…

I do feel like femininity and masculinity are fluid energies, constantly flowing up and down, presenting one way more so than the other, one day, or one moment, and then just as quickly flowing to present another way. Coming out in the way we act, dress, speak, do. It’s impossible to consider these to be rigid concepts. To only accept one side to your Ying Yang is to deny yourself of a whole world of skills, thoughts, abilities, clothes, experiences…

I was raised as a little rascal wild child. My toddler pictures are often of me in a food stained tie-dye t-shirt, underpants and nothing else. My hair untamed and long (always had a custard cream biscuit too?) I thank my parents for raising me in such a way whereby everything was expected of me. They never said no you can’t do this that’s what boys do, you must to this because that’s what girls do. I was expected to do everything and anything, baking, sewing, building, juggling, sports, I was never confined to a gender box, I was able to explore all sides of my abilities making me a more competent human.

Gender display depends on so many factors! For me personally anyway.

Who am I hanging out with?

What is the weather like today?

Where am I going today?

How am I feeling today?

What time of day is it?

How safe do I want to feel today?

And so on.

These are some of the factors that determine which energy is going to present stronger in me.

I no longer think, I am a girl, therefore I must dress and act like this. But I will admit I sometimes let that way of thinking seep in and make me question my way of doing things – I’m a working progress!

I’m trying to say that tapping into your Yin Yang of energy does not require a unique label all the time. Non-binary is the best we have so far at describing someone who doesn’t feel they fit into any other label. And that’s cool if they feel comfortable with that as their label. To me, it’s another label and I thought the whole issue was not wanting to be labelled?

I think it’s all so unique to each individual that the best tact is to ask politely how someone identifies rather than trying to find an umbrella term that encompasses everyone who doesn’t fit in the ‘normal’ boxes. Just feels like we went and just got another box rather than tackling the issue of labelling people based on their appearance or way of acting.

Only in the last few years have a really felt comfortable in my own gender appearance. I am a woman, I identify as a woman and I look like one too (although sometimes mistaken for male). But I totally understand the feeling of Non-Binary. I first connected with this concept personally when a friend of mine was Non-Binary and they posted a status on Facebook about how they struggled to present more masculine on days when they felt they wanted to due to being a curvy person. I messaged them showing my support and understanding (I remember sitting in the airport in Tenerife, hungover to death messaging them waiting for my plane) because I felt very similar. I had just shaved my head the week before this conversation and I told them how much better I felt for it. How much confidence it gave me. I liked that it made me a little less feminine. I felt more comfortable being me.

I think, personally, I understand the Non-Binary essence. But not from merely a tolerance position. I feel it. I feel that in me. But if you ask me nicely, I am WOMAN! 😉

This was defo gibberish and uncoherent. But I don’t care 😀

Photo by Crawford Jolly on Unsplash