I’m Not The Problem… You Are!

This idea occurred to me on a red hot Tuesday afternoon. I was on a date in the middle of the city, laying on the grass of an immaculate rose garden in Leeds’s financial district.

I cast my gaze across the garden to a cute couple with a dog walking through and I realised I knew the guy.

My initial reaction was “there’s the f*cker!!”

Whyyyy? Because he is another, of many, male friends who have stopped being my friend because they found themselves a girlfriend.

In this particular case, he would never of said he was in a relationship (or just on a date, I’d hate to assume). Because he doesn’t have the bravery to be honest like that. I also believe as much as I don’t want to admit, I think our friendship was somewhat out of balance with me putting in more effort than him.

Now, I could have ran up to him and said hello. But I know he would have died inside and the girl would of had one billion questions about the nature of our friendship.

I had no issue telling my date I had just seen a friend… But he seemed to steer clear of us.

This has happened many, many times. A male friend started to date someone and either tells me explicitly they can no longer be my friend due to this new relationship or they do a sneaky and just stop talking altogether.

I excepted it. It was dumb and pathetic, but I excepted it as always the inevitable case.


It dawned on me that these males I call “friends” must not be seeing me in an entirely platonic way. That perhaps it’s more than that for them. Or that I am in some weird category of sexualised friend. Therefore, having me around is unacceptable when they enter a new relationship.

Why? I don’t offer any threat? And if your new partner has an issue than what does that say about them?

Is is because you can’t control yourself? Or you can’t control your own wandering mind? If it was purely platonic and innocent you’d have no issue maintaining a friendship with me. I would eventually be introduced as your new partner was integrated into your life. No?

It’s not my problem. IT’S YOURS!

This makes me mad.

Photo by Mark Pecar on Unsplash